MAKING GREAT DECISIONS

This is the ten-step process outlined in the highly-rated and well-received book by Don Maruska. The book’s subtitled “10 easy steps for reaching agreement on even the toughest issues.” The book cover is click-able by the way.

I’ve used the process with good results: professionally—in several projects, and personally—in a family discussion. Scan it and note the importance of communication.

There were two challenges I encountered every time. We were at a loss on how to handle these challenges until someone suggested the “Talking Stick.”

The first challenge involved the impatience of people. It hangs like a cloud in the room. The only way to overcome it was to explain the process at the onset, reassure people about its effectiveness, and “warn” them about how it starts slowly and then picks up speed. That usually worked but someone will always have a reason—truthful or not—to break away.

The second challenge involved the difficulty people had in listening. The next time someone speaks to you, notice how you've already formed your answer. You’re always carrying on several conversations in your mind. When you answer, you may or may not have understood the meaning of the person’s message. This is a fundamental problem of human communication.

Stephen Covey—my favorite author—in his life-changing book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” explained it this way. (I’m paraphrasing it. Click here to read my blog entry about it.)

We spend years formally learning how to write. We spend years formally learning how to read. But how many weeks or days have we formally been taught how to listen? Many of us—most of the time—hear but do not listen.

If you start really listening you’ll notice an immediate improvement in your communication skills.

Another effective way I learned to listen was through my membership and active participation in Toastmasters. Click here to read my blog entry about it.

I mentioned the “Talking Stick.” Click here to read my blog entry about it. It’s a hand-me-down from the native American Indians. It’s a great concept and it works!

THE TEN-STEP PROCESS

1. Enlist everyone
“Everyone” means everyone who has a stake in the outcome or is familiar with the issue. In project management, we call them “stakeholders.”

2. Discover shared hopes
Spend several minutes listening to each member. Listen reflectively. Be comfortable with silence. Avoid jargon. To listen effectively, stop the other conversations going on in your mind. Do not pass judgment. Learn what the person hopes and expects will result from the effort and why that's important to him/her. Use the Talking Stick.

3. Uncover the real issues
The real issues may not be apparent. In fact, not everyone will agree on what the real issues are. Step-3 seeks to ensure that everyone discovers the real issues and, if there are several, give everyone the opportunity to decide the importance of each issue. Again, spend several minutes listening to each other. Learn each other's thoughts and concerns. Summarize these hopes through consolidation and elimination. The net sum of these will reveal the issues closer to its entirety.

4. Identify all options
Brainstorm and bring out all the options. Do this before focusing on any one option in detail. Spend several minutes polling each member. Do not repeat anything. Do not judge any suggested option.

5. Gather the right information
Instead of gathering information about each option, organize everyone's efforts by priority. The priority is based on the group's hopes and desired outcomes. Some options will be eliminated at this stage.

6. Get everything on the table
Poll every person again. Request everyone to state something negative and positive about each option. Do not repeat already-expressed statements. It won't take much time to hear everyone's perspectives.

7. Write down choices that support shared hopes
Again, spend several minutes polling each member. Ask each one to candidly express their opinion about the different options. Learn what each person believes are the two top options that will best fulfill his/her personal hopes.

8. Map the solutions
Tabulate the results. Sort the options. This exercise will improve the most attractive alternatives. It will also clarify the best solution(s) for the majority, if not for everyone. One by one, everyone will settle upon a solution that everyone will support.

9. Look ahead
Create a back-up plan. Maybe, use the second or third best options as the basis for the back-up plan. Model the solution(s) if possible.

10. Stay charged up
Before you adjourn, if there's time and interest, poll each member. Learn whether each one felt the final group decision supports their hopes. Now proceed and implement your group decision!

ACTIVE LISTENING

My favorite author, Stephen Covey, was the first who made me realize that listening is a skill that should have been taught early on along with reading, writing, and speaking. To paraphrase him, we spent years learning how to read; years learning how to write; weeks, sometimes months, rarely years learning how to speak. But how much time was spent formally teaching us how to listen?

Hardly at all, if you’re like 99%+ of the population.

Catch yourself this very moment and count the number of simultaneous conversations you’re having in your mind. Should we be surprised therefore at how difficult it can be to listen correctly?

Catch yourself next time you’re conversing. Have you already created your response before the other person has finished speaking? That might work some of the time but when you interact with a larger and more diverse group of people, that communication pattern—of creating your response before the other person has finished speaking—will be the cause of mistakes and interpersonal problems.

A COMMUNICATION SKILL THAT SHOULD BE DEVELOPED

Active listening is a skill—a communication skill like speaking, reading, and writing that should be developed.

I made it a personal goal. One of the best and natural ways it developed for me was through my active participation in my Toastmasters club meetings. Click here for that blog entry.

Many articles have been written about this. I’ve shared my personal view. Now follows my edited compilation of tips from Verzuh’s excellent book, The Fast Forward MBA in Project Management (Wiley, 2008).

A USEFUL LIST OF LISTENING TIPS

These tips can be practiced as you listen to others—whether in a one-on-one discussion or during a meeting.

1. Focus yourself physically. To the degree possible, eliminate environmental distractions. (If you’re writing, stop. If you’re eating, stop. You get the picture.)
   
2. Use nonverbal cues to show you are invoked in what the speaker is saying, including nodding your head, making eye contact, and leaning forward.
   
3. Provide feedback, paraphrasing or summarizing the speaker’s statements to ensure that you understand them as the speaker intended.
   
4. Ask relevant follow-up or clarifying questions.
   
5. Listen for the idea behind the facts and data.
   
6. Suspend judgment on the speaker’s statements. Understand his or her point first. As you ask questions or acknowledge points, remain neutral in your responses. “So, what you are saying is ...” or “From your point of view ...” Demonstrate that you understand without revealing whether you agree or disagree.
   

During active listening, work to avoid these behaviors.

1. Don’t try to solve the problem or give advice until it’s asked for. Analyzing a problem with questions shifts the focus from the speaker to your hypothesis. “Have you tried ...?” or “What happened before ...” or “Are you sure that’s the issue?” You may be able to help the speaker solve a problem, but first you need to listen.
   
2. Don’t judge what you’re hearing—either positively or negatively. In particular, don’t share a judgment, as in, “That's not logical.”
   
3. Don’t shift the attention to yourself. This happens when we try to relate to the speaker, but end up talking about our own experiences, ideas, or emotions.
   
4. Finally, be aware of resistance and defensiveness by the speaker. Probing too deeply or playing the psychiatrist may not be welcome.
   

These simple guidelines can get you started. As with any skill, your ability to listen will improve with practice.

In the process of researching this, I came across this excellent article from an equally excellent blog by Alexander Kjerulf. He calls himself the CHO or Chief Happiness Officer. I think that's pretty clever. Every organization should have one.

I should also mention the Talking Stick. It was inspired by my favorite author again, Stephen Covey.